At no point in the past month have I:
- Woken up petrified that I’ve offended people
- Read my blog posts and thought ‘Why did I think that was interesting or funny?’
- Thrown up then bought another pint
- Snorted cocaine or ground up ecstacy from a pub toilet
- Eaten a kebab
- Kissed another man
- Cried watching a film
- Failed to get an erection
- Spent half an hour on a single wank
- Cried watching sport
- Tried to pull someone I wouldn’t want to have sex with sober
- Pissed through a letterbox
- Pissed on the receiver in a public phone box
- Pissed on the cat
- Pissed six time in one hour
- Been pissed…obviously
- Smeared pizza over a random car windscreen
- Tried to explain something and failed
So…anyone up for a pint?
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