Some of you who know me, and one or two who stalk me, may be aware that I’m currently unemployed. In the Summer of 2006 I came into some money and decided to take a break from employment. I had a decent job at Orange, testing systems, identifying faults and other general IT monkey work. It wasn’t my dream job by any means but I was pretty much left alone and no-one got on my case for being a gobshite.
A year later, the money had run out and I started looking for work again. I’m comfortable enough getting Jobseekers Allowance so I wasn’t exactly clamouring to get any old POS job. I don’t really want to work in an office ever again so a nice, quiet retail job would be just lovely.
Having no experience whatsoever in a retail environment has gone against me. I worked for Capita with no success. It’s now been 18 months since I first signed on meaning I qualify for…
*drum roll*
The New Deal!
I went for my first meeting today. It begins with a basic literacy and numeracy test. Can you fill in your name and address? How much would you have if you worked for X hours at a rate of £Y. I couldn’t contain my smirk when I was congratulated for passing it. The guy in the booth next to mine managed to fail so I understand why they issue such a test but I still found it insulting to be praised for being able to read, write and solve the most basic maths problems.
So now I have to check for work three times a week (I check every day already). I will be sent on a course in mid-June to get myself some work experience and advice on completing a CV. Essentially, the State will be treating me like a fucking imbecile for the next six months.
If anyone out there has a job for a self-absorbed egomaniac with excellent side-burns and giant brain, email me at the usual address. Anything is better than what I’m about to go through.
